Step-by-Step Tips on How to Join a Conversation

Step-by-Step Tips on How to Join a Conversation Social Anxiety Disorder Treatment and Therapy Social Skills Print How to Join a Conversation By Arlin Cuncic Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder and 7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety. Learn about our editorial policy Arlin Cuncic Updated on December 17, 2018 Social Anxiety Disorder Overview Symptoms & Diagnosis Causes Treatment Living With In Children Cultura / Benedicte Vanderreydt / Getty Images The ability to smoothly  join a conversation is a key social skill. If you find yourself at a party or gathering with people whom you dont know well, being able to confidently approach a group or individual will ensure that you feel included and have a chance to make new friends. How to Join a Conversation 1. Prepare Topics for Conversation Before ever trying to join a group in conversation, do some reading on topics so that you will be up to date and be able to share your opinions. Read the news every day. Follow popular topics like sports and entertainment. At the very least, be aware of any current events that are likely to come up in conversation. All of these strategies will help you when you join a conversation. Not only will you have a point of reference for what is being discussedâ€"but you might even find that you can add a new perspective or share something unique with the group, such as by talking about your travel experiences or favorite musicians. 2. Choose a Group to Join Choose a group of people who are in a conversation that you would like to join. Look for a group that includes someone you already know, or that is talking about a topic that you have interest in or know something about. However, dont hesitate too long trying to find the perfect group! Your goal is not to have the worlds best conversation, but rather to gain experience entering into a conversation that is already ongoing. 3. Listen and Make Eye Contact Hover on the edges of the group and listen until you know what they are talking about. Make eye contact with one or two people to show your interest in what is being said. Individuals with social anxiety are less likely to make eye contact, which can make you seem aloof or standoffish. Try extra hard to look people in the eye as you talk to put others at ease. 4. Be Polite When Entering the Conversation Wait for a natural break in the conversation before you speak. Instead of jumping into the conversation stream, politely acknowledge that you are just joining the group by saying something like Are you talking about last nights game? or Can I ask a question? 5. Show Interest in the Group Be interested in what others have to say. Listen carefully and reflect back what you have heard. Ask open-ended questions that encourage others to speak and share opinions and stories about yourself to help others to get to know you. People with social anxiety disorder are less likely to hold up their end of a conversation, so it is critical that you try especially hard to be receptive to what others have to say, especially when joining a new group. Think about it this wayâ€"would you be more likely to want to talk to someone who appears warm and friendly or fearful and closed off? Be the person whom you would want to talk to, and you will find that others will warm up to you more quickly. Practice Joining Conversations Now its time to put all of these tips into practice. As you go about your daily life, look for opportunities to join conversations. While in the past you might have shied away from a group conversation, make a point of joining groups solely for the practice! An easy way to remember how to join a group in conversation is through the acronym CLASS: Choose a group   Listen   Ask a question   Show interest   Share about yourself The next time you see a group youd like to join, remind yourself of the steps involved using the CLASS acronym. Getting Outside Your Comfort Zone What if you continually find yourself in groups of people, but just cant force yourself to go outside your comfort zone and talk? One way to overcome this type of avoidance is to purposefully place yourself in a role that requires you to speak to other people. For example, you might offer to take on a leadership role in a group. This new role will force you out of your comfort zone and get you talkingâ€"especially if you are the type of person who always wants to do a good job. Just be sure to take breaks from socializing if it tends to wear you down. Over time, you should find it easier to engage in ongoing conversation. A Word From Verywell Joining a conversation can seem frightening if you live with social anxiety. By following the steps involved in joining a group in conversation, you will gradually find it easier. However, if your social anxiety is severe, it may be helpful to seek out a mental health professional who can work with you to overcome your fears.